We Begged for Freedom but Asked for Too Much Again

May 19, 2022 Post a Comment

I'chiliad sure y'all've heard virtually giving your ex the silent treatment or about how absence makes the center grow fonder, simply how exactly does this work?

Today I'm going to take you through the psychology of why ignoring your ex is the perfect foundation for getting them back or for getting over them.

I'thou also going to unravel the biggest misconception people have when information technology comes to ignoring their exes.

Why Is Ignoring Your Ex And then Powerful?

If you're trying to win your ex back or get over your breakup, you've probably stumbled beyond some version of the no contact rule.

Information technology is the single about recommended technique after a breakup.

So what exactly is a no contact rule?

The no contact rule is basically this period of fourth dimension (generally 21 – 45 days) where you're going to ignore your ex to make them miss you while working on hitting the reset push for yourself by improving your life.

Of course, a full no contact dominion is limited in situations where you lot work with your ex, have a child with them, or still alive with them, etc.

In those special circumstances I recommend a limited no contact rule, only today isn't about what kind of no contact dominion you demand, it's about agreement what makes the no contact rule and then successful.

The Psychology Backside The No Contact Dominion – The Theory Of Reactance

The theory of reactance is a psychological concept that dictates how humans behave when their behavioral freedoms are taken away.

In general, when yous accept abroad a certain behavioral freedoms from someone, they will do whatsoever they can to get it dorsum.

For our purposes, the no contact rule is basically taking away your ex'due south behavioral freedom of talking to yous and their reaction would be to effort to regain that liberty back.

That sounds perfect… in theory.

Merely information technology doesn't exactly piece of work out that fashion in real life.

So, you determine you lot're going to ignore your ex which would plain take abroad their behavioral freedom of having a conversation with yous.

Theoretically, they would react in a fashion to try to go that behavioral freedom dorsum. But when we actually looked at how often exes would achieve out to y'all during a no contact rule we saw some alarming trends…

I want to preface these findings by maxim that I am a huge proponent of trends, as opposed to one-off strategies or examples. I believe in finding tangible patterns in this process that piece of work for multiple people in a predictable way so I tin can help others using that information.

Now the all-time fashion to define or find patterns is by surveying an audience total of people who are trying the aforementioned things out.

Luckily, we have a dedicated private Facebook back up grouping for anybody who purchases our flagship ex-swain recovery program.

Anybody on that grouping is either going through a breakup and wanting to become their ex back (or get over them) or they've already gone through the procedure.

This means that we have a community of almost 4500 individuals who share their experiences and get extra guidance via Facebook live sessions from me and other coaches.

I got the idea one day to survey this audience of people who have used the no contact rule and asked them one singular question:

For those of you who use the no contact rule how ofttimes did your ex really achieve out to you during the no contact dominion? Shockingly, near 63 percent of people who responded to the poll said that their ex did not accomplish out to them during the no contact dominion.

And then what gives hither?

Does that hateful ignoring your ex with the no contact dominion is not an effective strategy?

Not exactly.

It means you lot're focusing on the wrong thing…

The Biggest Misconception People Have About Ignoring Their Ex

When people outset come into my practise they await instant gratification and think that the no contact rule is all virtually ignoring their ex considering that makes their ex miss them.

We have establish the contrary to exist true.

What matters more anything when information technology comes to ignoring your ex is what you practise with that time.

I started noticing this pattern in almost all of the success stories – the people who actually went through our program and got their exes back.

The biggest common thread between all the success stories was how they used their fourth dimension during the no contact rule.

They didn't sit around feeling deplorable for themselves, not that there'due south anything wrong with that for a piddling bit.

They really pulled themselves upward, dusted themselves off from the negativity and depression of their breakup, and they took matters into their own hands by improving their lives in all sorts of ways.

Now I know what you're thinking… duh, ignoring your ex and working on yourself is the near cliché answer ever.

Well, information technology'southward a cliché considering it works.

When you meliorate yourself and prove your ex a new side of you, they're intrigued.

Equally long as you're focusing on yourself and not your ex, yous're going towards the right mindset of becoming an "ungettable daughter". So yeah, working on yourself IS a big reason why ignoring your ex is so powerful, but it is not the but reason.

Another reason why ignoring your ex is so powerful is because of the stable nature information technology portrays to them.

Yous see, a breakup is a very unstable and emotionally charged environment.

A lot of things are said in the rut of the moment and it'due south merely a big mess of chaos. And what do people do when they see a state of affairs full of chaos?

They run.

No ane wants to deal with all the drama of a breakup and so your ex volition probably make a run for information technology. Now, if your ex ran after breaking upwards with you lot, your solution was probably to overreact and overcompensate by begging for them back.

You'll practise annihilation from blowing up their phone and social media to maybe even showing upwards at their business firm so they accept you back. All these insecurities just exaggerate the chaos and push your ex further away.

Your ex wants nothing to do with you considering it seems like yous're extremely insecure. But then you implement a no contact rule and start ignoring them. This huge departure will surprise your ex and make them wonder what happened.

They'll start asking questions similar what's going on? How are yous suddenly so secure and stable? Are y'all over them?

This will especially drive them mad if they were thinking most having a friends with benefits state of affairs with you or keeping y'all equally a backup because they never expected you to just totally ignore them.

Having that element of intrigue and shock is a really underutilized attribute.

Whether nosotros realize it or not, the more than stable we are, we begin to re-attract our ex. Simply that's non the only thing that happens while you are interim stable and secure by ignoring your ex.

You As well Tap Into Their Grass Is Greener Syndrome

Whether you like it or not, the truth is that when your ex breaks up with yous it is an admission that they think they can practise ameliorate than you.

Sometimes they tin can and sometimes they cant.

Only hither's the thing – they need to endeavour dating new people to realize how good they had it with you lot.

Now, this doesn't happen right off the bat. A lot of people remember the grass is greener syndrome is this instant thing that immediately makes their ex desire to come back to them, only that's not how the grass is greener syndrome works.

Here'southward what a existent grass is greener syndrome looks similar.

Your ex breaks upwardly with you and they give you lot some lie about why they did it when they really but want to explore their options. So they become out on dates and detect someone they think is amend than y'all.

They go into this new lovey-dovey relationship – he's kissing the new daughter, taking down your pictures off his social media, and putting upward pictures with her. All of this can be really depressing and overwhelming for you.

You gotta remember though that this is just their honeymoon menstruum. This over the top honeymoon phase will eventually level off and when they both backslide into how they truly are in relationships, that's when the comparisons start.

Your ex will commencement comparing his everyday life with his new girl and with yous, equally opposed to the highlights he was having with her in the honeymoon menstruation. Ideally, he'll recall to himself, "I had it really good with her" when looking back at your relationship.

That'south when he starts to romanticize your human relationship and you start to see exes reaching out to you constantly. He'll probably effort to just be friends but he will actually start looking to yous for the kind of emotional support that he should seek from his partner.

So sometimes ignoring your ex and just letting them work things out on their own is enough to tap into that grass is greener syndrome where regret comes into play.

Determination:

Ignoring your ex later your breakdown with a no contact rule is the best thing yous could practise and here'south a quick rundown of why it works so well: